Letter to the Editor - Empathy

False empathy, like anything false, is a lie. You should not jump to conclusions and pretend that you

understand what others are feeling because it could hurt them. It's probably better to be honest that

you don't know what someone is feeling than to pretend that you do.

The problem with most people is that they are so caught up in their own lives, they can't stop

thinking about themselves long enough to have genuine empathy for someone else.

To truly feel empathy for someone you have to either have gone through what they have been

through or to talk with them and understand what they are feeling.

In the first case, it involves learning the hard way. You go through traumatic experiences like losing

someone close. It's a terrible feeling and you can't really think straight. You "feel that paralyzed

dullness with which the mind protects itself against,  too much sorrow and too much pain." (Steinbeck)

You can choose to be bitter and sad or to be positive about it and use it as a learning experience

which you can draw from to help other people going through similar situations. Even through the trial of losing a loved one we must still find joy in our lives to keep us going.When I lost my brother John F. Kennedy, I felt all those negative feelings, but

I  knew that the country needed unity and I was able to use that experience to help others

through their grief when Martin Luther King was assassinated. Instead of just telling people to have

more "love, and wisdom, and compassion toward one another", I gave them a choice and showed

by leadership the way I had chosen in the very same situation (Kennedy).

If you learn to have true empathy for

someone, then you can build better and stronger relationships. Also if you learn to talk with and

more importantly listen to what the person you are talking to is saying they will like you more and

genuinely think that you are a friend. Most people just want to get out what they are trying to say and

don't even care about what the other person is saying! To feel empathy for others we must first

understand our own feelings. As I said once, "say a prayer for our

own country which all of us love - a prayer for understanding and that compassion of which I spoke."  (Kennedy)

We can pray for others and for ourselves to know how to help someone and receive understanding

and feel empathy for them. God will help you, or someone you are praying for, if you pray with faith.


Excerpted from The Harvest Gypsies by John Steinbeck, published by Heyday.
 Statement on the Assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.